Sunday, December 7, 2008


I am not sure if this is normal but ever since I took my first shot of Testosterone I feel very energized. I have more energy. I actually could not sleep tonight. I feel good but I can tell that the changes are not going to happen over night-obviously!

I can all ready feel a small difference in my sex drive. Although I have a high sex drive anyway, I can definitely feel a tiny bit of a difference. It is a bit more fierce. I also feel like I have a little more confidence in myself, which is one of the things I need from the T.

Many guys get addicted to their T and I can all ready tell I am going to be one of them. I just cannot wait to take my next shot. It feels so good becoming someone that it was always my dream to be. In four years from now when I turn 40, i will be the man I have always needed to be. The relief in my heart to finally be who I am on the outside, feels really good.

Soon my looks will become even more masculine than they all ready are. My face and body will change. I am all ready handsomely androgynous but once the Testosterone really starts to kick in, my face will turn into the hot guy I always knew I was. The differences will be slight but significant. I can't wait.

I really need to raise money for my top surgery. For me my transition will not be complete until my chest is reconstructed into a male's. Since I have male nipples all ready, I should get really good results from the surgery. My nipples are small like a man's and there is no coloring around it. If they weren't so big, with these nipples I could pass as a guy all ready, but they are D cups and way too big to handle. They have been a source of pain and ridicule my whole life. It can cost up to 8000 dollars for the surgery. Here in the USA, most if not all insurance companies will not pay for transgendered care surgeries, but in Europe, people's state insurance cover the whole cost for all the surgeries in most of the EU countries. Some of the countries will pay for everything but 25%, which is really, really good. There will be two scars underneath my breasts but I like scars and eventually I am going to have the area around it tattooed so that the scars become part of a chest piece tattoo. The day i am able to walk around without a shirt on and totally pass for a male, is the day that true liberation starts for me. I will be taking donations and throwing benefits for myself to raise money for the surgery. Being on Testosterone and having the opportunity to reincarnate within this lifetime has saved my life. I really love being trans and I am glad I choose this lesson in this lifetime. I truly am the best of both worlds. I know that one day I will have the wife I was always meant to have.

Me in 2000.
The crazy fucking headshot

1 comment:

Jenika said...

Hey man,
This quote, "I really love being trans and I am glad I choose this lesson in this lifetime. I truly am the best of both worlds."

It really spoke to me. I'm just beginning this crazy journey and seeing many changes already in my inner self. Thank you for sharing yours. =3